Having sex with her was like reading the Wall Street Journal.
Tell me the dirtiest joke you know
Sarah Palin
god, I love you
Due to our sore throats we are now doing bong hits with cranberry juice to sooth it.
After much deliberation I've decided to name my penis "Arthur", hope your mom's surgery goes well.
What's the protocol when you drive the girl's head into the wall during sex and she starts to cry?
You act like pregaming preseason hockey is a crime. Come on man, get fucked up and watch pucks. It rhymes so well it has to go together. DOS EQUIS Y DEVILS!
a kid puked on the floor and instead of, you know, cleaning it they cut a square out of the carpet with a boxcutter and threw it outside
Why the hell did you invite him? He's gonna bring two more inches of dick and zero fun.
I'm like a number 27.2 on a scale of 1-10 of how badly I want you right now.
Your lack of a response brings it down to a 25.4.
he just kept texting even after we lit his shoelaces on fire. he just calmly walked into the pool... still texting.
STAY IN YOUR APARTMENT. DONT GO TO SAFEWAY TO BUY CONDOMS. DONT GO TO THE VAN.
We have moved from phase 1: honeymoon, to phase 2: trapped in relationship until the cold embrace of death
A to Z: fucking your way through the alphabet
It'll be a kids book
Last night you broke a mirror, and then rolled around in the glass shards. Miraculously, there's not a scratch on you...
she brought her phone charger to the bar this bitch is ready to drink
Randomize
