Let's hustle tonight so we can relax tomorrow
Perfect. Like where your heads at
By relax I mean have sex
guess who just trotted in eating her oats and wagging her penis
I wouldn't necessarily call it an addiction, more of a passion. I'm habitually passionate.
closing bar tabs have helped me with simple math in college.
he then proceeded to tear down my curtains, wrap them around his waist, and use the rod as his "rod"... you tell me how drunk he is...
he has the hands of the vagina gods.
They found a chair, duct taped me to it, then gave me a bottle of vodka to 'make me feel at home'
Day drunk and a can of soup and wine straight from the bottle and alone and on my kitchen floor.
thank you whoever used my nalgene as a flask. pregamin in chem
All I've eaten today is cookie dough, pecan pie and three shots of jack. Finals week here I come.
Um please remind me to tell you what happened tonight. It involves wine, pain killers and firing a handgun in our apartment. Legit might be hiding from the cops this weekend.
A blind man just put his face in my cleavage. I'm also crying.
Serious question: does drunken cyber sex with a stranger on omegle count as cheating???
We can't stop being roommates, you do such a good job of holding my hair back when I puke. I don't wanna buy hair elastics.
Before he gave me the breathelizer, he told me to "blow like you're blowing your boyfriend". I like him. My tax dollars are well spent
Randomize
