You're a womanizer and a bitch.
just saw my sister at the strip club... dont think she's "taking a night class over the summer"
Last night, you attempted to motor boat my vagina then proceeded to blow raspberries on it. Don't ever do that again.
ra ra ra ah ah
wtf?
sexting lady gaga style
either i blacked out mid-sex but remember the beginning and end, or he really only lasted a couple of minutes
He upper decked the toilet, got himself lit on fire 6 times and lit 4 other people on fire in the course of 3 days.
will barter weed for kareoke machine...
After she lost the bet I made her get on one knee so she could "Te-blow me"
Pretty sure I asked the person at the pharmacy counter in Walgreens to marry me last night. But also remember Rachel Maddow crawling through the TV screen, so my memory might be a bit compromised...
Just got hit on by a 50 year old Englishman who is now swapping drunken racing stories with my mom. Live Mariachi band in the background. How's that for a wake?
Some guy I've never met before just came outside and started rolling a blunt on our fence and passed it around to all six of us. At eight in the morning. Today's gonna be weird.
Not remembering where I left my grinder before vacation #stonerproblems
If I call him daddy should I get him a father's day card? Serious question
wyd
Laying here debating on if i want a sandwich or an orgasm.
I kicked down a wall in rage and found a door behind the drywall. Once again vandalism solves all my problems.
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