Fyi I let myself into your place, I'm wearing some of your clothes in your bed. Come take them off
he was fingering me to the beat of a lady gaga song. new high? new low? i don know, but i came, so whatever.
just went onto Yahoo and the featured article had a picture of one of the Jonas brothers. last two times the featured article was a celebrity's face the headline was "Michael Jackson is Dead" and "Pitchman Billy Mays is Dead" so naturally I got a little excited. Turns out he's just engaged. Who gives a fuck.
Just woke up. First thing I see: Little brother eating last night's jello shots thinking they're reg jello.
Why is it only times like these when I'm scrubbing the cum stains off my futon before my family gets here that I seriously begin to question my life choices?
Then he showed me his sketchbook. Every drawing was a hand in different 'fingering positions'. Dear JESUS.
you do realize that we pretended we were worms for like 10 minutes and inched around on the ground, don't you?
She's trying to figure out what kind of dinosaur I am... Yay codeine.
Lights are FLASHING. This just got REAL. CAPTALIZATION.
Last night when you stole the construction sign you told me to tell you that first you did it for the money Than you did it for the music But mostly you did it for your family
My car windows are covered in lube. Happy 4th of July!
Saying someone's good at giving head is like saying someone is good at pouring juice like there is that one girl who will spill it everywhere but for the most part it's not that hard to be good at
my whole wardrobe smells like substance abuse
He also ordered me a vibrator last week, so the flowers kind of balance it out
I can't decide which is better: the sex, or remembering that I have ice cream in the freezer after he left
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