Got some. In a truck. I will just pee you in the morning i guess?
I slept with some guy because he drew a dinosaur on my arm
I just did my online traffic school at the bar. No biggie.
So it turns out my dad calls his penis "John" which means he either named me after his penis or his penis after me
so does the 200 for rent and 150 for utilities include the never telling my boyfriend about the guys i bring home.. or is that extra?
Just so you know you don't have to worry about me picking up any guys tonight. The Hilton is hosting guests from the North American Gay Volleyball Association and the Comic Palooza
Dude she's famous. She's on an episode of campus pd. Can't not fuck her
I don't know if this whole sobriety thing is going to work out... It's only been 3 days and I want to chug vodka
Can't tonight. I'm supposed to get drugs for some college kids. Just doin my part in helping to enlight america's future
Def just threw up beer then brushed my teeth with some randos toothpaste now back to drinkin beer
I say "glasses of whiskey" like I didn't chug it out of the bottle
I come from a long history of big boobed German, Swedish, and Irish women. And then there's me. Mother nature was like "Naaaaaaah."
Bored of what? I stayed up all night researching sex toys because I'm excited to do things with you that I haven't done in 29 years of having a body.
Stop jerking off to vines my recommended list on YouTube is getting weird.
6 hours ago I jacked off a a guy for $100. I explained it away as "compensation" for gas and tolls. WHAT am I doing with my life? Quickest and easiest $100 I ever made though, haha
Randomize
