you kept wiggling your finger at everybody at the party telling us this is how he fingered me. you seemed pretty upset about it.
The world would have a new energy source if someone would just take a blacklight to the backseat of that slut's car
Karaoke into a bottle of boones. dear summer in alabama, glad to see you again.
He always grinds on me and is like "This is awesome because we're both Catholic!"
Banging bitches in a bar bathroom is not legit as it was in college, there are no fistpumps afterward only shame
What's the wine called that we really like and we usually drink it with xanax?
Dude. Get me out of here. I'm surrounded by glitter-faced 40 year olds in halter tops. The desperation here is so thick you can taste it.
She just drunkenly falls over and yells " I lost my footing!" in a british accent and then proceeds to run into the wall... did you spike her water?
I just remember her dragging me inside in a panic saying we needed mentos and popcorn I have no fucking clue how we ended up asleep in her closet.
I think once you know a guy's chest measurements the stalking has gone too far..
put something nutritious in your body. AND NOT JUST THAT JOINT.
Leave it to me and my dad to puke on the same guy at the same bar 25 years apart
Make me food? I don't want to be a science experiment. I'm dunk. Holy shit. Drunk*. Let's do science.
Just threw up in a baggy on the airplane. The guys next to me clapped and bought me a jack and coke.
Livin the dream
I don't know why, but whenever I shave my balls I feel more aerodynamic.
Randomize
