I think I'm going to try and hook up with that blond tonight.
I'm going for alcohol poisoning.
he said "cool" when i took off my bra and proceeded to stare wideeyed at them the ENTIRE time. it was like sleeping with the kid i showed my boobs to for the first time in 6th grade.
Wife passed out. Doing shots with the hot bartender... Don't tell me I don't know how to celebrate a 1yr anniversary
How did you even find out?
Because you came up to me and said "I just fucked in the bathroom."
Oh.
Just made a jeopardy bj game. Every question has 10-50 seconds on it and if he's right that's how many he gets.
Apparently at 2 AM I decided to let the world know about my newfound love for elephants
I hooked up with a British man... Wiz Khalifa has your bra... Couldn't have been a more successful night!
He is currently in a meeting and I am sexting him in Italian
And he's using Google translate to reply. Who says cross country relationships can't be fun?
Tequila is gods way of telling you don't fuck with tequila
I'm like going proud parent over you doing drugs, this is so wrong.
i’m just listening to christina aguilera’s “your body” on repeat and trying not to pass out at my desk.
If you enjoy dance recitals as much as I do, that's one shitty Father's Day...
"he sent me a picture of a puppy in return for a picture of my boobs. He then captioned it with "look it's puppies first time at the beach". "
I think him and kristen are pretty serious now.. I dont think he cheats on her, anymore.
I wish he’d realize all I want is dick. He’s my boytoy. He’s a stunt cock. \n\nCome over, fuck me silly, eat some leftovers, fuck me again, then go back to the frat house
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