Dude she looked like Jerry Garcia's knuckles
sorry about last night, sometimes people just get drunk and have sex witht heir friends
I know, I was there.
my roommate just caught me washing a dildo in the sink.
She used the introduce me to her roommates so she could find out my name trick the next morning..I may be in love.
I don't think my prof knows we've noticed her No Bra Fridays.
ME TOO. Am adrunk madr out qith. White guy. Guy de white. Blanco chico. Chico de blanco
his teacher called to say he gave a girl on the playground a rock to touch his penis. proudest moment of my fatherhood
i think the title to my autobiography shall be, "a bottle of vodka and various pieces of meat"
and this is why you're my favorite gay friend.
You gave your boss a bj to get the safe employee of the month award?
A stranger came up to me, pointed at my drink and asked what it tasted like and proceeded to chug half of it and then walked away.
Bored of what? I stayed up all night researching sex toys because I'm excited to do things with you that I haven't done in 29 years of having a body.
She took all the bottles out of the shower caddy and replaced them with booze. I just made a shower Manhatten. Imma marry this one.
This is gonna be the kind of weekend where if it involves putting on pants, it ain't happening.
I was masturbating and a roofer walked past my bedroom window.
Nothing cures your heart after a boy calling you unattractive than a big fat dick
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