so remember that time i slept over and came home in the morning to realize i left my vibrator next to the faucet for parents and brothers to see? this is worse
I just used my 2 drink stirrers as chopsticks to get a lime out of my drink. I really am Asian.
Dude, she DOES look like she'd give good head. No bottom jaw, I checked.
He keeps saying he loves me and ruining perfectly good conversations.
Drinking wine. Reading twilight. On a Friday night. Biggest loser contest. First Place.
Halloween has nothing on dressing up as as the INS on cinco de mayo
There is no way I'm taking advice from somone who's idea of a balanced diet consists of vodka and lemon detox juice
yea i really dont care about the sex, i just want him to eat my vag. He has to be good at because of his tremors.
A client gave me a bottle of vodka today. And he was hot with a beard. It's like he knows my soul.
is year to celebrate how much I love you, I made a mosaic of your penis with conversation hearts. it's in your mailbox.\n\nHAPPY VALENTINE'S DAY TO YOU
Gonna play a drinking game called drink til I feel my emotions. The things I do so I can be a therapist
I just trimmed my bush to manageable levels. I'm gonna take a nap and then get in there and finish the job.
They are going to name an STD after you.
So woke up naked and found my clothes from last night in my kitchen with a half eaten quesadilla
I HATE BEING THIS HIGH FML IT'S LIKE I'M MAKING UP FOR ALL THE 4:20S I DIDNT DO ALL AT ONCE
Randomize
