You know you want to come over later
1:27a: Um no
1:45a: Maybe
2:05a: Probably
2:38a: I'm outside, let me in
you threw your tampon into someones open car window...while they were driving.
all you did was keep googling "what time is it" over and over and over
It's really too bad Cosmo doesn't have "What To Do When You've Drunkenly Sucked His Dick and He Doesn't Text You Back" article.
There's limited edition cherry vanilla nyquil. It's like they know how much I hate myself and they're giving me a consolation prize.
well as your friend its only fair to offer my cock for your services. Cause I care.
If for no other reason than to cuddle with that puppy, you have to hook up with him again.
Dude, did you really "knight me" and tell me I had permission to bang your sister last night?
I'll make some time for you! I don't know how long you need to get off, but I should only need 2-7 minutes, pending what kind of socks I have on.
Sweet tea and masterbation. It's how I manage.
Earlier today I was eating cookie dough from a tube, now I'm laying naked next to a hot guy watching Pawn Stars in between orgasms. You really can have it all.
Turns out, it's impolite to repeatedly request Seal "Kiss From a Rose" at bars
Well we can add this to the list of 'where the hell did that bruise come from?'
So this ukranian guy got angry and took his clothes off. Now he has my credit card and I can't find my keys.
I think the cats may be lesbians. It could just be a two hour mutual bath but it sure looks like a 69.
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