you kept screaming that dicks were growing out of your back and then you started crying cause they were so far from your vag
could you get any more awkward?
I drowning out her crying with songs from the Beatles it's good for us both. She relives her 30s and i dont have to hear her cry
if you were to get worldwide popularity from playing guitar with a plastic yellow bat while drunk on YouTube, would you hate me?
For future reference, the words 'big' and 'problem' should be used sparingly with a person whom you have recently had copious amounts of unprotected sex
You may have noticed the broken smoke detector and melted carpet. We may have accidentally lit a ping pong ball on fire...I'm sorry, but we did our best.
You have to stop getting hammered and preaching about that mission trip to Haiti.
It's one of the many facets of my drunken alter egos. I'm like substance abuse batman.
He's just giving off this "someone be a bitch to me" vibe
Another day, another engagement, another cat
She showed me her tits and my first thought was "I want these to feed my future children." I'm scared.
Wow I didn't even consider the possibility of him having ED. I'm gaining so many life experiences from dating an older man
I wish our county sheriff had a comment section for their mugshots.
Haha we both slept with guys named Brad born on may 1st. This is a proud day for sisters.
God doesn't care if you're a paramedic, you can't do that to someones cat and still get into heaven
don’t ask me. i snorted coke off of a pregnancy test box last night. i obviously don’t make the best life choices.
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