I mean don't get me wrong, vaginas are terrifying, they look so sneaky with all their layers and secret compartments and trap doors
First night home from college and I already forgot that walking around nearly naked with my laptop open to smut porn isn't acceptable. Sorry, mom.
Making out with married ex girlfriends: priceless
they just dont make restraining orders like they used to.
Found her laying down in a booth in iHop. She's a keeper.
i said good morning to each one of his abs personally
You should not be allowed to go away on the weekends I plan on getting drunk on. I need someone to stop me from punching this guy in the face. It's simple room mate etiquette.
PUT DOWN THE JOINT AND STEP AWAY FROM THE TRUSTAFARIAN
If I'm going to keep blacking out this much I need to start taking more pictures.
I just watched an old episode of Daria while eating brownies to cure day drunkness. Clearly I'm winning at adulting today.
You know I base where I go on the likelihood of me getting laid there. This includes work.
you were so drunk that when the mouse on your laptop didnt work anymore you decided to just take it into the bathroom and pee on it while laughing like a mad scientist.
somehow I wound up on the floor crying about his beard. then telling everyone I'd give him a "lesbian blowjob".
If you find out what that means, show me.
Give me one good reason why I should go with you.
Free beer.
..pick me up at 8.
His face will be in my vagina later so I'm willing to forgive.
Randomize
