What part of "waking up in the crawl space of my house with a raccoon" sounds like a good night to you?
All I remember is saying that "fire will make it all better"
Just before going down on me she said, "I need a hairband for all of the jobs I'm about to perform."
Yes, that's a picture of my balls. It isn't however an answer to my question.
We played shuffleboard at the bar last night...another sign we are getting tooooo old.
I sorta feel bad for the actual person in my fake id that got a drunk in public charge.
All I remember is apologizing to his sister for being a bad influence while I was throwing up into a big gulp cup.
You're getting a blowjob this afternoon. This has been your morning public service announcement.
Putting all my energy Into finding a polite way to ask my mailman to fuck me in his car.
We had 15 min before last call. Exact quote "let's see how drunk we can get."
She is the Michael Jordan of blowjobs. Unfortunately, her baby sister is the Michael Jordan of baseball of blowjobs. It does not run in the family.
50% drunk capacity currently
I just need to stick to one night stands and delete social media
I cant tell you how much harder a belt makes hoeing
So apparently my bro is going to make me fix his tattoo this trip... He sent me a pic of said tattoo. Tattoo is of a sperm, on his penis, which was in a woman's mouth... Wth
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