I feel like our bond as friends is a lot stronger now that I've talked to you on the phone while having sex.
he was sobbing,drinking his beer, all while confessing his love for her. awkward was an understatement...
Im really high right now and the vending machine is broken and giving out free candy. Please kill me, my life will never get better than this
i had to pay fifty dollars for throwing up in the limo, 60 fucking dollars to throw up all over myself
shes got that 'its my party i can do meth if i want to' mentality. i like that.
today's the one month anniversary of me not giving anyone head. can you tell me you're proud
it's sad that this is a milestone
Can we put your name for the shipping address for penis ice luge?
I keep looking at his nude pics and crying because ill never see it in person again.
When you finally get laid, I shall make you a trophy out of dildos
You're wonderful. How are you always such a good friend?
50% genetics, 50% driven by a desire for people to drunkenly eat donuts at my funeral and then have fantastic cry-sex afterward.
him and the cab driver we buy e from got into a fist fight, about which show is better, futurama or family guy.
blue gatorade loses no color upon regurgitation
You wear a dinosaur suit one time and everyone thinks you're a furry. Fucking hell, man.
This is a weird combination of planning and sexting but whatever
Found out that I went to the same elementary school as the guy I'm hooking up with. Kosher or no
Randomize
