Do you need to be saved?
No I think I'm God
for a minute I thought I needed to put on pants to go get a burrito, but then I remembered I'm in college
Girl next to me in class just said to her friend "and I haven't even cried yet." Challenge accepted
don't let me wipe my vag with a dirty leaf outside of mcdonalds ever again.
I don't know whether to call the hospital or call the prison first.
We created a neighborhood watchdog drinking game
The guy next to me just said he wont play beer pong on principle. Im scared.
So I have to borrow my moms car tomorrow to go pick up my ID from the strip club so I can board my plane tomorrow
When Pitbull's songs sum up your life... you know it's time for some serious life changes.
dont you DARE use my tequila influenced words against me
Update: my mom just told someone to shut up and suck her dick
Its like my group of friends and I are all dating and we're all just a bunch of Swingers, is that normal?
Just looked at my bank statement. 9 out of 10 transactions on the first page were from 9 different bars. The 10th was for birth control pills at the pharmacy. I need to rethink my lifestyle.
I haven't listened to news as I've been having lesbian sex all night. Anything new?
Sextember may be over, but Cocktober is just beginning!!!
Randomize
