So, I had a dream last night that girls approached guys at the bar and said things like "i would like to pleasure you tonight." No drink buying, no sweet talking or ANYTHING.....it. was. awesome.
dude i've broken up a marriage, I think I can handle a simple engagement.
Just saw your girl from last night... Be embarrassed
did i call you last night crying about tacos and the royal wedding again?
this is a reminder to untag myself in the picture of me flashing the photographer in the morning.
i think he was starting go for a boob grab when we both realized the middle of a public tennis court wasn't the place
Sorry I pissed in your dining room and kicked your best friend in the face while he was passed out.
she walked in on me throwing up in the sink with my pants around my ankles and I said "i'll be with you in a sec"
THEN YOU WILL NOT GET TO SEE MY TITS TONIGHT OR IN THE NEAR FUTURE YOU HEARTLESS BASTARD
Pooping with Eye of the Tiger playing. Not a single fuck shall be given.
I just dominated some guy while wearing your moms thong
He just showed up in boxer briefs and loafers with only his phone and condoms
My good Christian morals say no, but my complete disregard of anything related to religion says yes
I just found a samari sword in the couch. I'm about to take like 5 shots and pretend to be captain jack sparrow
I screenshoted his dick pic the other day because it literally looked like a brontosaurus. Like that really tall dinosaur that eats grass. Like I wanna draw a face on it.
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