Dude michael jackson died, guess he's not 'stayin aliveee' any longer.
Uh dude that wasn't a michael jackson song it was the BGs
she told me her two favorite things were grocery stores and dick.
you got thrown out for pissing in a cup in the corner. you told one guy it was okay because you went to college and that he wouldn't understand
Im in Ft Meyers right now looking right at an alligator. I have had a couple of beers and people are telling me not to feed him but Im gonna do it anyway.
I wonder if our vaginas are like "o thank god, no strangers breaking in tonight." Baahhhh sooo bad
you don't know what its like to have your bartender tell you that you owe him beer money infront of your mother at 3pm on a tuesday
I don't want to get into details but it feels like there was a bear mauling involved. A very good bear mauling.
He just grabbed my boob and justified it by saying "I just wanna feel your heart beat"
Having to grow a landing strip to cover the bruises from pole dancing. Thanks for the birthday present, but next time, maybe just a gift card?
The drunk mom in a firefighter hat just told her to leave.
I went limp when I heard her mom fart from her parents bedroom. It lasted longer than my hard on.
Found some boxer briefs on my patio table this morning surrounded by a case worth of empties. Starting to remember why I have rugburn and a sore asshole.
I had to bail out of the tour de Franzia because I have class Saturday morning. Grad school is ruining my life
Don't be alarmed when we finally get naked and I let out a WOOHOO!!!
I smell like a brewery and I have been drinking for 7 hours. This seems like a perfect time to tell my husband I want a divorce.
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