I think I'm maturing; i was gonna watch porn and then take a nap but i motivated myself to put my laundry in first.
Laughlin, where retired strippers come to die.
I just put a picture of what I imagine Rob's dick looks like on it on my vision board. thank you Oprah!
Just spun two beer bottles and Placed them in my pockets perfect... I feel like the clint eastwood of drunks
is he apposed to sex in general? or just porch sex?
she named each of the players on the last ten madden covers in order and then shotgunned 2 beers...if she doesnt have a penis im in love
could you please tell me why you thought vodka soaked band aids were a good idea?
You know i'm the father figure
Yeah the father who ate her out with me last night. Great dad
It's a hurricane, not a zombie apocalypse. WHY DID YOU BUY SHOTGUNS?!?!
If we could give a gymnastic score to drunken nights, I would be a part of the Fab Five.
You had a hat of bras. Probably a good dozen, which is totally impressive for a Thirsty Thursday
I woke up in a bush somewhere in Tucson with a full suit on. Great way to end my birthday.
How is it that on the one day I'm just moving my car at 6:30 I get the walk of shame looks but when I come home at 9 am in a torn dress holding heels old ladies smile at me?
I was really surprised he asked for my number the next morning..... and my name.
First walk of shame in 18 years. Divorce is going well.
Randomize
