my drunken desire to be gossip girl continues to ruin friendships for me
Is it too weird if im a sexy tampon for halloween?
I just found a receipt from ace where I bought 1 lrg plastic funnel, 2ft of 1" plastic tubing, and a 48" toboggan sled. Thank you cashier #552 for letting that poor life decision happen.
I'm going to make him fall in love with me one blow job at a time.
and thats when we got a drunken mammogram in the middle of cvs pharmacy
They're here. One showed up as a slutty Crayola, and I think the other came as The Fat Friend.
you want your laptop back?
are you giving me my laptop back, or cashing in on our break up sex?
both.
come over.
This was my thought process as I drunkenly ran home: Whoa! I'm going so FAST! Why don't I run EVERYWHERE! ALL THE TIME! Then I peed in a bush and passed out on the ground.
So basically you were a dog.
When the doctor said the anal leakage might not be reversible without some lifestyle changes you start asking if it's worth the entertainment value.
Only thing I got out of his drunken Spanish is something that sounded like "pencil sharpener." Damn rosetta stone.
When my parents ask if I met any nice guys in California, I'm going to answer, "No, but I have gone home with alot of nice girls". Too much, too soon?
I have to be more responsible. I've dropped three lighters into my bong today.
Welcome to stoned Saturday. Full of laser tag and beyonce and awesome
so I ate shit in the bar and took a barstool down with me and this guy helped me up and I just started making out with him. I need to stop meeting men like that
All I can think about are the cheese it's on my desk at work this morning. Like are those apologetic cheese it's or does he seriously think he still has a shot..
Randomize
