I totally have a Rabbi on speed dial now. Keep it Kosher.
I'm making a conscious effort to limit my spending at the bars...i wrote "FOR CAB ONLY" on a $20 last night
he sent me a picture of his dick with a heart border around it
You are such a cockblock sometimes
You NEED a cockblock sometimes
We definitely need to avoid these "I'm gonna get stabbed if I stay here any longer" partys
I only had sex with him so I could try to steal his roommate's cat, what kind of girl do you think I am?
Dude, the coffee is horrible this morning, Cass changed something about it
We ran out of Bailey's Irish cream...
This is what regular coffee tastes like?!?! Fuck the adult life.
I just used crown royal bags as pot holders...
I found you laying in a field of grass near the trail I jog on in the morning like a drunken Bambi.
Family trip though. I generally don't wheel too much ass with the fam in tow. Despite the fact my parents would be pleased if I did.
Is it bad I have to get shitty ass drunk on a Monday night because I can't adult?
Once the overwhelming "oh god my crotch is on fire" wears off, that excite stuff is really nice
I'm just hitting the tip of the iceberg on accents for this trip...so basically my panties are done for.
I just got baptized.
Drunkenly skinny dipping in a indoor hotel pool is not okay and does not count as a baptism.
Just realized that my booty calls are vastly ranging in penis sizes.
Randomize
