I'm in a strip club that reminds me of a crack house from the 80's.
And then he told me he had the vodka, but he was still in line at WIC for the juice.
It's chlamydia! Thank God!
Remember the time we were horrifically hung over, went to mcdonalds, an you merely felt the weight of the mcnuggets box and knew there was an extra?
like it was yesterday
there is a time and a place for ass-grabbing and that was not it.
Changed it back. Somehow I didn't think my profile pic should be me shirtless on ecstasy, ya know?
So I have the hangover from hell, spent all night puking, and there's a septic tank truck parked outside the house literally pumping shit. You win God.
I'm going to see if it catches on fire again, then I'll make the decision.
I'm sorry the first time we hungout you had to witness me throw up in the ocean then army crawl to shore.
Bitch looked at my dick and said "I thought they called you horsecock, I'm already disappointed"
I told you that line would get her home never said it was a good idea
That's why my New Years resolution was no more blondes. They're all bad news
Just asphyxiate me and toss my corpse in the Ocean. It'll be easier than whatever the next four or eight years will bring.
We’ve discussed sex and dinner. Like chicken nuggets while doing it doggie and watching tv.
Ya, It's probably because whenever I close my eyes I see a kitten playing a banjo.
The last time I saw you you got angry and yelled "WHISKEY DOESNT COUNT" ... I think that's at least a 7 on the hotmess scale.
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