I dumped him because he's never seen star wars. I'm certain I did the right thing.
Waaait I'm alsleep in myt car somewhere
Woke up on the kitchen floor cuddling with the dummy we made of you. Hope your internship is going well.
I'm bleeding from my lower lip, and I have bruises around my neck. It was just easier to say I got mugged.
I feel like I just tasted lung cancer.
Just to prove a point, she called and ordered a pizza 10 min before she ordered the blow and it still got here first. I may never leave LA.
I told you!!! And that is why he's the drug dealer to the stars.
Waking up to find your mom holding your birth control pills and telling you I suggest you take this
no, she just came home, mumbled about being a gerbil out of water then ate half cooked chicken nuggets.. normal night
Don't know why you're always hating on relationships. I've had chocolate pancakes accompanied by a blowjob and a blunt and it's not even 9 am. Time for mid morning shower sex. Enjoy your morning bong bowl alone asshole
Have you picked out a bathroom stall in which to fuck? Since you've got all this free time before her plane lands...
it is shots o' clock and I am never late
I fell out of the car while it was moving then got puked on then puked and cried about then got back in the car and puked out the window when we started moving again
Giiirrrllll. Back to back snaps of dicks. Two different guys sent me their dick at the same time. This is totally what our founding fathers meant with life, liberty, and the pursuit of happiness.
I don't know when he had the time to do it but he dug a hole in our basement like the shawshank redemption
seriously i don't trust him. he fed me a hot dog out of a crock pot and gave me moonshine dashed jager bombs.
Randomize
