I don't want to talk about it. He was like the Little Engine that couldn't get me off.
My mom's mothers day present consisted of a card, chocolate and the rose bush I threw up in as I was getting in last night. She loved it.
shut up i haven't hooked up with anyone since 45 minutes ago
You asked me to be the big spoon, when you passed out on the stairs
He wanted to take a picture with our pizza to show his mom that I was pretty but more importantly that he practices in "sober" activities
Walking out of our apartment this morning to go to class, I saw a sticky note on the front door that said "get tested." The door was unlocked so did you bring some stranger back last night? I'm assuming you weren't referring to me...
You told my mom you were going to "Raw Dawg some randoms." That Drunk.
She looked up at the menu and yelled this is my absolute favorite literacy
He was just lying on the living room floor watching Star Wars with six empty pack of cigarettes and two empty cases of beer.
In his defence I guess I did take the bed, couch and dining room set in the breakup.
I played "in the air tonight" on a drum set made of titties, and I'm not even exaggerating
I can get there in 20, one question, Drress Code? Stripper Lite (make up may require an additional 5-10 minutes), Suggestive Professor (professor Kamil's cleavage ain't got nothing on me), Daywear, Dyke (and trust me you ain't seen dyke), or Exactly What I'm Wearing Right Now. (all of the above may arrive under a coat and are subject to my level of sobriety. Which is currently like nonexistent).--xoxo you know you love me, Gossip Girl.
Also I am throwing a blaZer over what I wore to bed and calling it an outfit.
My dry spell starts kindergarten this fall...
They grow up so fast.
Tempted to tell the Titos promoters at this bar that they are doing the lords work.
I think I'm just going to get a farm, a vibrater, and a lot of wine.
Randomize
