He said if I blew him first he'd last longer....if 3 minutes is lasting longer, I'm not sure the bj was worth it
chasing schnapps with beer is a terrible idea. never been drunk at 3PM before. please help please please please please
His bookmark is a piece of toilet paper. No shame there.
my roommate just showed up covered in dirt, drunk....with a whole ice cream cake that says "it's a girl".
She was mid-sentence and then BOOM the hammock broke off the tree. I about pissed myself. Hot Sprite and Vodka make the world go round.
I'm not gonna lie; I was dosed with mushrooms and am eating pickles with a guy in all white. It's weird, but I'm down. Help.
Whenever I walk away from the group without saying anything, NEVER assume I'm just going to the bathroom.
He's hot though. It's not like he JUST got out of prison. That was like months ago
I couldn't tell if they ere dancing or fucking but they won the costume contest
And that is why we dont do tequila shooters at 1 in the afternoon. Because you go home with a beast like that
Everyone thinks I'm sleeping but I'm actually just melting.
Best neighbors ever! They found the guy ive been wanting as a booty call and got me invited to the party the guy was at and gave me alcohol so i could be tipsy when met him. im never moving.
Listen. The next time my first idea in the morning is "hometown buffet and a water bottle full of captain morgan", please make me go back to sleep.
Why is the microwave staring at me?!
Let's get this straight. I am six fucking feet tall. Do you even understand how limited my options in guys to date are? No. Did you see my last three boyfriends? I looked like a fucking giant next to them. So I will fuck this six-foot-seven Italian model even if I am the ugliest girl at this party because, goddammit, I deserve to.
Randomize
