i just google searched 'can you pop your ovary'
if my vagina gave out awards, he should be preparing acceptance speaches for the oscar, the heisman and the nobel peace prize.
everytime she opens her mouth i wish that i was deaf
chasing schnapps with beer is a terrible idea. never been drunk at 3PM before. please help please please please please
how was last night?
i woke up with my hand stuck in a jam jar with my keys in the bottom and a dog licking peanut butter off my boobs. you tell me.
and yes, the jail cell in Citi Field does have a big Mets symbol in it
Do you think it would be a good idea to mention in my admissions essay that I was the guy that streaked across the soccer field last year?
Succesfully slept on the roof at work for 3.5 hours without getting caught. I need a promotion
its the kind of night you break several limbs and say you were lucky
That feeling when you're ready to convert to the religion of whatever god will stop the vomit. Dynamite is illegal.
I managed to get through my meeting without throwing up in someone else's office, so there's that for an accomplishment today.
He showed up at my front door with Plan B and a rose...
It's like the first time your mom catches you masturbating. We both know what she saw. We're just not talking about it...
I am sure I don't wanna know but I have to ask... Why is there a kiddie pool full of jello in the living room?
If you can endure a laser on the butthole, you can endure a wax on the butthole. Those are words to live by.
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