In retrospect, pretending to punch a 9 year old girl in the face was a terrible analogy to use in a piano lesson.
Drunk on an escalator. I fell like 15 flights of stairs without actually moving more than 5 feet.
My passouts and memory loss are great training for when I have alzheimers. You'll know where to look when I get lost.
you can't wake me up at 4am to suck your dick and then give me a high five at the bar
There seems no grander way to celebrate 420 than to smoke atop a mountain peak.
trying to figure out why the only thing in our freezer is an expired loaf of bread, a white t shirt, and a receipt from taco bell for 37.50 from last Friday
Can I please come dance in my bra to destiny's child with you? I'll bring the wine and the glitter
Get ready tonight we are going to get drunk and pierce my nipples
Me too...I'm driving to work trying to figure out if I put my pants on the right way.
He walked into the bar with a pillow and put his head down...nuff said
have fuck
*fun
actually forget it have a fuck too it'll do you good
all I know is that I was naked, and there were cheeto puffs everywhere...
true. but still. you know how big of a sucker i am for a penis and a pretty face.
Don't send me pics of cunning dicks while I'm eating potato chips
I'm the only person I know that carries solo cups, shot glasses, ping pong balls, two decks of cards, and a lawn chair in his trunk. I'm ready to turn anything, anywhere into a party.
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