look no pants
Tostitos Scoops as shot glasses. Eat for chaser.
the only reason i invite her is so when the guys start to hit on her i know it's time to take their keys
I just remember taking her cat for a walk around 3 am then falling asleep in a slide at the park
You basically told your boyfriend at the time you were going to shit in his hands.
And I meant every ounce of it.
well what is some mechanical horse racing with out blow involved
Just beat off to internet porn while talking to my mom on the phone and eating a cinnamon roll. U have 5 minutes to get on my level
I wish pancakes were everywhere. Just pancakes. I want lilies at my wedding. No dress. Just priest. Just lilies.
Did you guys seriously let me trade my id for a kebab last night??
Steve called. He needs me to pick him up. He also asked for a set of his clothes, he can't find them. He is such a strong motivation to stay sober.
Had mirculous sex while watching miracle. Until she got mad that I kept quoting the movie. Not my fault I'm a good multi-tasker
Do you believe in miracles?
He fingered me to the beat of the Fresh Prince theme song... it was pretty fantastic.
it's a shower with the lights off kind of day
I woke up in the middle of the night on all fours turning circles in my bed! No more patron for me!
Who did he bring home?
Idk. But did you see her shoe choice by the stairs, I'm really not expecting anything great.
Randomize
