what is college for if not random hookup sex?
learning.
i would literally fuck learning if i could.
doing a bong hit while wearing crest white strips...not such a great idea...
My mom seriously just told me my insurance company pays for rehab. In an email. I expect a real, not just us joking, intervention coming on. I'm not accepting a "lunch date" with that bitch.
Just found the video that explains the neighborhood applause. Your landlord is awesome, and the clothes are on the roof
I don't have a choice really. It's either lose 15 lbs by Halloween, or I'm going as a giant banana.
I found his backpack for the weekend. All it had was ping pong balls, mardi gras beads, and Tums.
Everytime the frat boy touches his bro's ass after making a cup take a drink
after that, he'll be sure to remember me. i'll probably forget him, but that's the way it should be.
Don't ask how or why, but I think the 775 on the inside of my lip is permanent
She tried to beat the waitress over the head with a bread stick because one of her martini olives was missing a pimento. All while screaming "IT'S GAMEDAY BITCH"
Olive Garden will never be the same.
PLAN B IS EXPENSIVE ON A $50 A WEEK BUDGET.
When you licked the fourth stranger's cheek the bar tender pretty much ordered us to get you out.
I want to bone him until his eyes fall out
My mom just asked if I've gotten any girls pregnant how is your day going
You know what i hate? I hate when the ppl you drunkenly made out with actually want to talk to you sober. It just doesn't work that way sir.
Randomize
