Woke up to a denim duvet cover this morning... why r guys so tacky?
the taste of these tagalongs is totally worth boning that creepy troop leader chick...
you're just mad because in the hogwarts world I'm Harry and you're Ron. get over it.
Not too sure about the toy story pull ups. The kids point to their crotch all day and say woody.
She woke me up, whispered "I like the size of your dick", kissed me, and rolled over and went back to sleep
Going to bed. I have to wake up early and teach small children. And then have affairs with their fathers. I'm going to get deported.
Woke up in a kilt. And it's not my kilt. Drinking was a success.
So never has there been a greater Valentine's Day gift than you actually putting a new roll of toilet paper on for me after using the old roll up! You didn't even use the new roll. You clearly put that on from a gentleman's standpoint vs. a selfish standpoint. I love you!!!!
So dude comes out in a full body leotard and a wand and announced he's king of the gays. Chicago is a weird but fun place
Nope. Turns put my desperate group message for sex didn't work out.
Well you sent it to two guys who were roommates.
They could have rock paper scissored for it. My vagina = the prize.
Called Apple, my penis pics are safe.
Because I'm sitting in a bath of my own wisdom and drowning my sorrows in coconut rum
They had an Olympic theme party at her work yesterday. She brought home her fake gold medal and hung it on my cock after she rode me.
Yeah, oh and the story gets better. His friend was dressed as a christmas tree wrapped in twinkle lights and had to plug himself in the wall all night.
I do have a history of lying to Customs. I once convinced them I was an astronaut.
Randomize
