"You squeeze, we tiip biiiiiig" JB
He's totally hot and awesome. And he's a Democrat
Good, so he won't mind when you kill the baby.
Did u pay ur friends to not make fun of me?
Bought a water-proof vibrator. Rubber ducky is no longer the one that makes bathtime so much fun.
ew. I made a sandwich, and the cheese reminded me of her vagina
You kept screaming "Its taco night!" before every shot
You mailed him a break up letter, because you thought the "joy of receiving a letter" would ease the pain of you dumping him.
I can't wait to go to grad school so I am not your high unemployed friend.
i love that feeling when you wake up and have no idea how you got back to your dorm or why you have mac and cheese on your cheeks and eyelashes in your mouth
I figured out plans for New Year's and by figuring out I mean I've got a sugar bowl of cocaine. Start at 10?
Hey to make you feel better about last night, I just shit my pants.
Body paints and jello. Your canvas awaits
Another sexterpiece awaits
I just licked wine off my own thigh. I've hit a new low.
Someone who makes you cum so hard that you have an asthma attack is clearly your soulmate
I made him dinner in just his cowboy hat and my boots after we did it...you should see his face :)
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