My drunk dialing habit needs to go. My drunk habit can stay though.
so remember that time i slept over and came home in the morning to realize i left my vibrator next to the faucet for parents and brothers to see? this is worse
there was a trapeze. enough said
She just dipped a dollar bill in her queso dip and almost ate it before I slapped it out of her hand, no more bar crawls..
i feel as uncomfortable as your camel toe looks.
Just saw the guy with the plastic bag on his head riding his bike again...
why are all my papers due the day after my potential hangover
I've slipped into the part of my life where I am not having sex to get Phils tickets from this chick. I need to seriously rethink my life decisions
I'm not entirely sure that the guy that just texted me is not on drugs right now. I'm also not entirely sure that he isn't about to be incarcerated.
By the way, anytime you want to go toe to toe on Doggystyle lyrics just let me know!
Who is this? Did we just become best friends?!
We hooked up in his car and afterwards he cried. I think I need to find a new hookup...
There's a quesaritto in the oven. Neither of us have been to Taco Bell in 3 weeks.
Grilled cheese and shark week. Unemployment done right.
He texted me at 4:30 in the morning saying "I'm not drunk but I think you're beautiful" and then a facebook message at 6 am saying "hi" and the subject was "oh"
My life just got so pathetic that I volunteered to work a double on my day off because its saturday and I have nothing else planned
Randomize
