I haven't seen Daniella all day...are you sure she was safe going home with that guy?
oh don't worry! i asked him if he was a rapist. he said no
in a basement doing blow off a prince dvd next to a chick in a saddam mask
looks like were buying each other an abortion for our one year present...
I told her I was team Edward. I haven't gotten laid that easy since I told your sister that I had cancer
Just watched a fat girl on a scooter run into the back of a bus head first
You are the luckiest man alive
My mom gave me a book called "why good people do bad things"
I didn't realize you were one of the "good people"
yeah, it's no longer just 'day drinking' when it's 5pm and you're knocking over fruit displays at fresh market
No, not normal drunk. Wake up on a trampoline with a naked chick you've never seen before drunk. I think i missed my first trampoline sex...
I really like her...she always overpays me for xanax and still feels the need to fuck me to make up for it....
He crawled outside into the bushes to throw up. He's just laying there now but he says he'll be ready to come home if we just give him five
He showed up at my front door with Plan B and a rose...
showering high made me realize that i should seriously reconsider my career path... id be a damn good hair shampooer & head massager
Just woke up from an extremely erotic dream featuring Steve Buscemi. Now I can't sleep.
Life lesson: if a hot naked girl tells you to spit on something, you spit on it. No questions.
Getting blackout drunk infront of my family was never on my bucket list, but now that I've done it I'm cool with it.
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