I'm just sayin u wanted to sleep after ur paper. I can make u sleep
We walked past a group of guys in front of a bar last night and they claimed, I quote: Wow, we'd actually have to work for that.
The google font looked peculiar last night, but then up close I realized it was just dry vomit.
She was really fucking loud. My neighbors definetly knew my name...
There's a middle eastern man wearing a cow costume with tequila coming out of his udders, but I'm not sober enough to feel uncomfortable with it.
why would you automatically assume i'm high...
you just told me you're eating the powder of a lemonade mix.
Yeah no problem. What are blow job angels for anyways
Not really how I planned to achieve immortality, but I'll take it.
I'm currently in h&m wondering "what exactly is the class level of a swingers resort?"
I don't remember much, but I remember he called me the dick whisperer, so it must not have been all bad.
Dude. I keep thinking about how I let a man gum my vagina.
Okay, yeah, judgmental guy at 7/11. I'm buying g wine at 10:20 in the morning. You wanna fight about it?
Woke up with a lip tattoo that says "fake news" in case you're wondering about my wellbeing
Why did I wake up next to the fire pit? And who wrapped me up like a burrito?
Jägerbombs. Thank Sara.
My face is going numb. I think it's time I call it quits
Randomize
