How was your Memorial Day?
Don't remember... but I do have an American flag painted on my boob signed by a Staff Sargent... Oh God, I hope that's his military rank and not a nick name.
my bartender licked my nipple. never stay after hours
the room spins SO much faster in panama
Tell him next time im gonna be "disgrace to the family" drunk
I'm just concerned it's gonna end up in my vagina again
Shes sitting on the front porch puking in to the pumpkin she just carved...in the rain. I guess pumpkin spice tequila shots wasnt our best idea.
I definitely did a line of something I don't know with a Pagan biker. I make good decisions.
Nothing like hearing "I found your pinky nail" before you even noticed it was missing.
I would just like to point out that someone I had sex with drove me so I could have sex with you. I deserve some type of "most loyal booty call ever" award.
There was a point where you were singing "Friends in Low Places" to yourself while Juicy J was playing so I got worried.
Just responding to the most professional request I've ever gotten to get shitfaced.
We had sex on his sofa while his friend cheered and threw bugles at us
I come home to my brother mixing skittles and vodka. We're all proud of him.
all I remember is screming at her "I want you and your tortillas... DEAD"
Replacing my paralegal is easy. Replacing my favorite office fuck toy is a totally different story. Damn him for wanting to better himself instead of being my manwhore
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