i had a dream the other night i was titty fucking you while you were asleep, then you woke up and didn't care.
before i could say "i'm not that kind of girl", i was.
"Morning after" poops are always like, interesting.
fyi, i just bought my first strap-on. the little mermaid theme song was playing in the background.
last night i found where hot topic managers go to die after they get fired.
he just stuck his car key in my belly button, made car starting noises and pretended like i was revving my engine?
I got a black eye last night. This guy said for every 35 pounds you lose you gain an inch to your dick. I asked him how long he has been peeing sitting down.
Omg just woke up. 6am. random apartment. broad daylight. bunch of ppl doin coke around me. Theres a bridge nearby. I think my dentist is down the block. Oof.
And I was the only one who felt it was dangerous to set the tv and blender on the ledge of the hot tub
Why yes actually, getting stoned and reading an AARP magazine IS totally where I wanted my night to end!
I GOT A VENDING MACHINE FOR OUR LIVING ROOM
No need to talk. Eventually, he'll either stop coming over, or decide that it's a relationship.
And if not?
...I keep getting free bourbon and great sex with no expectations. You really don't understand that there is no "down side," do you?
My new plan is to whip out my titties when they arrive. Maybe they won’t notice that I broke the couch fucking my boss...
He has a syndrome called asshole. And it flares up 24/7.
because he's a firefighter, wouldn't sleeping with him be like saying thank you to the community?
Randomize
