My family just had an in depth argument about the meaning of chodes
She turned over and said "You smell like my dad, i just can't do this"
you were stealing lawn gnomes and punching cars. I'm not surprised you got arrested.
We need to either drink and not go to waffle house or go to waffle house and not drink. I need to know which is causing these shits.
Obama is so hot when he ends wars.
DON'T BE A PUSSY. ONLY 1/3 OF THE WORDS IN YOUR LAST TEXT WERE MISSPELLED, WHICH MEANS YOU NEED 2/3 MORE SHOTS.
Thank god Shes going home for winter break, gives my dick a chance to recover from those "bjs." Youd think a senior could suck a dick by now.
Can we skip lunch and do power hour sex time from now on? I'll let you eat nachos off my body if you really need the food.
I was told my cock was a religious experience.
Depending on which video of him streaking you watch, you can see me passed out in the front row.
Question #1: Why am I on my living room floor? Question #2: Where did the bloody footprints come from? Question #3: Why are there two McChickens next to the wine bottle?
Update. A gay dude just told me I'm the most beautiful thing with a vagina he as ever seen. How should I feel about this?
The first time he ever tried to hold my hand, I moon walked away.
I thought I was drunk because I kept grabbing his arm instead of his dick
But then I realized it wasn’t his arm and that I was very lucky
I think it's a bit on the nose for the Uber driver to play stairway to heaven while driving like A psycho.
Randomize
