every time i get drunk at her place i end up leaving with nothing but an empty box of toaster strudels..
you're letting him buy you a plane ticket...to kentucky...so you can fuck him?
i know. i'm only adding to the interstate sex trade problem.
all a guy has to do is give me sprinkles and cookies and they can get me in bed
He fell asleep and they duct taped him to the floor. He's pissed.
Just drive me around campus, I will be able to smell their innocence.
So recap time do u remember biting that girls hand?
any interest in drunk sledding later? if not, any interest in driving me to the hospital later?
I woke up with cheeseburger in my mouth and a deep sense of accomplishment.
Why do the people I hook up with still exist after we're done?
I made a side by side comparison of her Facebook pic and the chick on the anti meth billboards. Plus a ven diagram showing mostly shared physical attributes. I sent u the PowerPoint. You were sufficiently warned.
Also, I'm going to yoga because I have a Taylor Swift range of emotions right now.
Listen I'm tryna celebrate your divorce. Sometimes that calls for drinking on the toilet.
I am drunk at 8am listening to Cyndi Lauper and dressed up in a penguin suit
The drag queen you used to date and the girl you brought over last night are discussing your sex noises in my living room. I'm changing my locks.
I apparently sent an offer letter to, and then subsequently onboarded, the wrong candidate. How's your Monday?
Randomize
