It's more exciting when they aren't single....and even better when you have to pretend that you just slept with their roommate while trying to do the walk a shame as their girlfriend comes marching into the apt.
Im not the least bit jealous of the life you lead.
just throwing this out there: period starts tomorrow sooo either sex tonight or not until tues/weds.
i get a bj anyways so it's really your choice.
k i'll be over in 5.
theres no cameras in the kitchen right? cause i dont wana get fired for peeing in the kitchen in a cup
Last night I ate the rest of the salsa with my hands. And i DONT have a hangover? Glorious.
The homeless ppl in LA are great. Theres sum guy that makes all of his clothes out of tighty whitey underwear. He makes bags out of them 2. Presumably 2 hold more underwear.
You kept telling me to "raw dog" your take home breathalyzer without the mouthpiece
Aren't you glad we're at the point in our relationship where I don't even ask why you're hiding in the cabinet?
He won't ever take me seriously if I keep getting drunk and hooking up with all his friends.
What is the current exchange rate for ramen to jello shots?
He's scared I want a relationship? How does texting him at three am and sleeping with four of my exes symbolize that?
Amnesty Wednesday? I'm free to do dirty things to you and you can't laugh or judge?
How does one acquire holy water?
If there's anything else you're planning on stealing from me, please let me know so I can set it on fire
I just want to buy drugs without having to pay an arm and a leg for it. Is that a horrible thing to ask for?
I mean, it's not like you can exactly complain to the manager and higher ups about it.
dude igloo, 4 foot bong, and 3 grams of blue dream. will you be my eskimo buddy?
Randomize
