remember when u banged some random dude twice in the back restaurant room of the bar i work at with customers still there? and woke up with an enormous highschool-sized hickey this morning? no big deal.
She's in the middle of blacking out but is singing Mariah carey songs. Hitting every note.
i turned my shower on this morning and passionfruit pulp came out. how did you even do that?
You don't understand. He was so ginger that he could make red hair a dominant gene. And I refuse to torture my future spawn like that.
But he buys me breakfast and goes down on me THATS HARD TO FIND
Nope if you can't be there for me emotionally, then my vagina can't be there for you physically. That's my rule.
I sleep texted my mom and asked her for a condom last night
I just smoked a joint and ate a sandwich while watching someone get arrested. Bonnaroo is a silly place.
He jizzed all over my ID badge. HR is gonna be pissed...
he was definitely tindering while i gave him head
I don't care if it's 2 inches or 20 I mean dick is dick
Potholders are an underrated garment. Especially naked.
Not to be gross and awkward, but I just had sex outside in the rain on the hood of a lexus
I think I came out of my blackout as I was ordering wine from the private wedding reception.
Nothing like ripping open the box with your keys on a sat R train and throwing back the morning after pill with some coconut water on my way to work at a fitness studio for free
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