the power's out. i'm smoking weed by flashlight
i wish i was dedicated to anything like you are to weed
Wasted at the beach. Toasting underage, overdeveloped girls. God bless 'em.
Who was that guy you went home with?
Hang on, I'm trying to ask his name right now.
He was rambling about life and dignity and happiness. but all i kept thinking was PENIS. YOU HAVE A PENIS. I CAN SHOW YOU WHERE TO PUT THAT PENIS.
he said i give him, and i quote, "emotional blue balls"
His idea of romance is drunkenly leaving me dead dandelions on my car in the middle of the night
I need to figure out how to tell my doctor that I don't want to fix my possible fertility problems until AFTER I'm done whoring around in my 20s.
I just took my birth control on the way to class with a 1/2 melted jello shot I happened to find in my purse from Friday night. I told you I was going hard this year.
3pm strippers are depressing
No. I want him to marry me so we can spend our lives together. I also want a to-scale model of his genitals to mount above my fireplace
Why did you make me get in the car with you and then not give me a ride? I woke up in a bar with a blanket on me.
Guess who just made out with Sloth from The Goonies!
Ims textiofg thsi woht my noes bcuz my hansd aer stli handcuffde to teh bedfrme. Help me
Also we had sex while listening to fleetwood Mac on vinyl. Like the 70s called and told me to fuck off
when some dude came up to you and said he didn't like your shirt you just looked at him and firmly asked if he really thought that you gave a fuck.
Randomize
