he just sent me a friend request on facebook. i wish it were physically possible to vomit on him through the internet.
there is cereal in my wallet where all the cash used to be.
Drinking Grey Goose on the toilet. Don't make me graduate.
Did you know even strippers have to have GED's these days??
i used the phrase horny rhinos in my paper. i hope my teacher appreciates the size of my balls
she said shes getting her period tomorrow so she wants to have sex now. i didnt object. it would have been heartless.
ofcourse you didnt.
we already have meals planned for the weekend.
SEMEN IS NOT A MEAL.
You are the only person I know who got away with wearing a turtleneck while getting laid. ONLY person.
There's a warrant out for his arrest for throwing a mannequin through a bus stop.
It's like a bag of dicks covered in taint sweat pounding a pregnant baby walrus.
Her family was right next to mine during christmas eve mass. Between the terrifying glares and her trying to set my sleeve on fire during the candle part I am VERY sure she knows im fucking her ex...
Dude! I just figured out I can successfully hide a 4oz flask between my boobs without endangering my cleavage! College: conquered!
Rumor has it that you want to bring me soup in exchange for a blow job.
i just ran butt naked down the hall and someone highfived me. i love college.
I was told I look like trouble once and that was by a fireman at the sex show. I was carrying two beers and a penis pinata.
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