question: from what angle do you give a hand job. im confused..
I Just realized that having a picture folder that says "not for mom" may give off the wrong impression to wondering eyes
just had a dream there were parent teacher conferences in college...scariest dream ever.
frozen peaches as icecubes. vodka Sundays just got wayyyy better
I am a terrible person. This is almost as bad as when I was going to see my ex while my boyfriend was at that funeral.
look at his last status update. 3:41 a.m. "i love u and miss u already egg burrito. happy trails friend." OF COURSE HE SMOKES POT.
She just kept saying "bless your heart" to him while he cried because he came so fast. I think a Texas woman was just what he needed
I think ill wear my dads dashiki but make it sluttier. We shall see
Hey I have your shoes. Do you remember shouting "Police brutality!" when the bouncer was kicking you out last night?
say penis size is all related to how funny you are and then tell a feminist joke. if she laughs, you got double points, if she slaps you, she probably wasn't going to sleep with you anyway
His voice is like having sex with hot chocolate and then suddenly you're pregnant.
I couldn't finish the episode and had to lay down because the snapple commercial with the mustache was blowing my mind
Do you find Darth Vader masks attractive?
Google Maps needs to have a hungover setting. That bitch talks too loud and all I want is breakfast tacos & a bloody fucking mary.
It wasn't until after we began having sex again the next morning I realized I didn't know his name.
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