your room smells of hookers.
And success
The tricky part is not getting sand in any orifices. Or is the plural orifi? Orifi don't, we'll both be unhappy...
I just saw an old lady yelling at a dead pigeon for leaving the oven on.
I know the scar will be in an obvious place, that's why I'm certain it'll score me cancer blowjobs
i think we should start charging the bum that sleeps on our porch rent..
I made out with all three roommates...I didnt realize that was actually an awkward situation.
yeah, i'm not. but i'm ready for free bjs. it's just hard to find women who will give me a beej while i'm sobbing uncontrollably
i just found this napkin with your number on it in my jacket pocket. it reads amy, drawing of a wine bottle and a house
My sister was not impressed when she got here. I was standing in the doorway in my underwear drinking a beer. At 2pm. On a Monday.
It was awful. Mid hookup he started reading the titles of the books over my bed, which were about Russian imperial history. He then started asking me questions about the class I was reading the books for. I was like "WE HAVE TIME FOR THAT LATER, PLEASE CONTINUE."
If I had really thought it through, I would have bought some Depends, popped one on and made this night my bitch.
I'll be visiting the rave tower. Prepare your finest boxed wines for my consumption.
The only reason I can fathom that you've been able to continue to date new people this long is that women continue to become of age each year, and the younger ones don't know any better.
PEOPLE ARE STILL EATING FAJITAS IN DROVES. BY THE CASELOAD. THERES A FORKLIFT OF SIZZLING MEATS.
I'm a lady who knows what she wants in life, and that's uncommitted dick.
Randomize
