it's my fault, I passed out instead of getting up to pee.
It was like a fairy tale, until he tried to put it in my ass...
I just chased the everclear with Listerine...I think I found my new chaser!
It was so delicious I was introducing it to people. Guy from my psych class was like "This is my girlfriend, Erica," and I was like, "This is my milkshake, Oreo."
I wish there was a lawn mower version of Roomba so I could just drink and cheer it on from the stoop.
I'm drinking red wine & feeding anchovies to the dog. I'm really not picky about what kinda of company I'm in.
You are the worst substitute drug dealer ever
While you wait, fill out your state patrol application. Not trying to be your mom, I just really want to fuck a cop.
I FINALLY GET TO MASTURBATE. SO EXCITED.
He finally delivered on the dick pic, and Jesus Christ, it was worth the wait.
YAY! I just removed my own stitches, and I'm only bleeding from one spot! on a related note, do you think a dishwasher will sterilize forceps and trauma shears?
I just showered and shaved both ankles and one knee because that's the skin that's exposed in the jeans I'm wearing today. Please tell me I'm not the only one who does that.
he's such a nice guy...he deserves a bigger dick.
I woke up upside down with my head in your ottoman and like a foot of space between the ottoman and chair.. My legs were straight up in the air... Yes. Your mother found me.
I just sharted for the first time in my life. Age 33. Lying in bed. Sober. 2021 is off to a great start!
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