it sounded like he was fisting a can of crisco.
The girl behind me at the dollar store said couldn't wait to get her permit, then requested a pregnancy test. God I love being home.
If you stick your dick in my spaghetti, we're fighting.
He's engaged. If the world's smallest penis can find true love than I can too.
my boss told me he would look for my wallet when he went back to the strip club tonight.
It's the first day of summer. It's not a race it's a marathon. Pace yourself
Whatever I'm getting wasted, my costume's bomb, and there's a good chance I'm getting laid. Not letting stupidity ruin my night!
Remember that time we turned a can of Axe body spray into a flame thrower?
When she tells her friend, "hey I'll be back tomorrow, just going to fuck a guy", right in front of you, you know you've got a winner.
He sent me a picture of his dick as a snake, I'd say things are going great.
He does have a nice smile. I also like to think he has a nice penis, but that's just a prediction.
FML I accidentally sent the text about his bruised balls as a group text that included his brother and my boss.
The fabulous human disaster: it is him
She was on top, but I lost her at "alright, you look like predator."
He was imitating a sprinkler when he started puking. Hence- vomit sprinkler. Some people just can't handle their tequila
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