I can't get away from Pickles they're either stuck in me, in my mouth, or I'm stuck in one. fuck my whole entire life.
Oh my gosh they are following me around the bar
Blow your rape whistle
Um. That's my cat Laura. You put my cat in your mouth, and then you put my cat in your purse.
the party has pretty much ended, it's just 20ish of us jumping and grinding to music from some guy's phone in the corner.
she never specifically said NOT to fuck her boyfriend so technically we can still be best friends
It feels like one of my ribs evaporated.
Bad idea to be in a car concussed. I just described his dick as an elevator. I think i meant escalator, i dont know
She was a little hefty, so I turned on the strobe light in our room. Everything looks better with a strobe light.
My mom is selling her car. I'm secretly relieved I won't ever have to tell her about that time you puked in it
HEY. NO. THIS IS ABOUT YOU RIGHT NOW. YOUR COCK, MY MOUTH, THATS IT.
Rule 1: If any of us dies on a trip, the other two have to 'Weekend at Bernies' the shit outta that corpse...
BUT DID YOU RIDE THAT DICK INTO THE SUNSET THO?
On a scale of 1 to shit show you were "i just pissed myself"
I jerked off 12 hours ago exactly. I owe it to my penis to get laid.
my night went from a boring school play to hotboxing a car with 3 criminals
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