Right on... I dropped my chapstick
I blacked out
i woke up and my collection of plastic neon wayfarers were half-melted in the microwave. my drunk self hates my hipster self
She wants out first dance to be to 98 degrees i do cherish you...remember how i said we didn't need open bar....
He stole the megaphone off an ATM then we drove around so he could tell people not to jaywalk.
I cant do that to my vagina yet. its my prize posession.
Good call on the strip club last night. Everytime i smell some flowery candle or air freshener I get transported back to having my face firmly planted in Riah and Desire's tits.
You're welcome.
Thank God I didn't lose my virginity to that asshole. That woulda been like winnin a raffle ticket for a free bag of dog shit. But with like a really pretty bag. A pretty bag full of dog shit.
I really hope the fuck ferry pays me a visit to close out 2011 properly.
What about.....a game of twister and....wait..nevermind. I've hit my cap for sexualizing things today.
And I just want to be like your tongue is not a FUCKING sword
I most definitely just found a video on my phone that I accidentally took... You can't see anything and all you can hear is me talking about how good your water was... And then I fed it to you... And used the word "eloquent" to describe it.
I've replaced you with thin mints and masturbation
I mean you can one up her. Instead of ruining friendships you can ruin marriages.
He called me for phone sex. Do you know how hard it is to fake an orgasm, and play Candy Crush at the same time?
Don't drag this out. All I need to know is if I have to put pants on or not.
Randomize
