The only way im leaving this casino is in a golden chariot or an ambulance
I just had a flashback to last nights party, I'm pretty sure I told most of the people there that I post a masturbation schedule for an iCal download.
he turned the pretty ricky playlist on. its about to go down.
Of all the things I am low enough to do, how could you even doubt if that was one of them?
Life isn't about who you kiss, drunk, at midnight. It's who you text nonsense to, sober, from the toilet.
I felt like in order for him to make it to mordor and destroy the ring, he'd have to make sweet sweet love to me in some form of hut or cave.
He deadlifted me and I came just a little at the apex
I'm in a corner eating carrots and drinking champagne. I've hit a new kind of low.
How is that low? I love carrots.
My liver appreciates your vow of avoiding matrimony
we're spending all day in bed drinking spiked eggnog and fucking
There's just no proper way to thank a man for that many consecutive orgasims.
So I woke and tried to get up. Then I realised my foot was stuck in the pocket of the pool table.
I'm sorry I couldn't bail you out, apparenty they dont take credit cards over the phone. Did you at least make any friends in jail?
I’m going to fail his daughter so she stays in my class and I can keep fucking him. BEST. ORGASMS. EVER.
Then you can teach the kid to be a home wrecker
Ha. Yeah that's all I found you with this morning. Butt ass naked w my robe across your lap and your arms thrown back in handcuff position.
Randomize
