I need to stop researching the drugs I do on Wikipedia. The parts about abuse and dependency hit too close to home
Today should be called shooting fish in a barrel day. Every place ive gone to ive met a girl who regrets not hooking up last night. There have not been girls this easy since Fathers Day
So, after having sex with my 4th overweight girl in 2 weeks, I've decided Charlie Sheen syndrome is ruining my life.
I made friends with a raccoon. I pet it. Like I was Pocahontas.
well, i woke up this morning to a note i left myself my dry erase board, "dear you: i had sex with someone awful."
Before I left he asked me if I could submit my panties for the frat house undergarment chandelier. I said yes
woke up laying on an empty pizza box and some guy was doing blow off my butt...i guess i should thank you.
I stole another quarter from the bathroom. I'm slowly getting rich drinking here.
As I fucked him you stood outside my door screaming, "I'M NOT JUDGING YOU!" over and over.
I was judging you.
I made it with a guy dressed as Mitt Romney. I told him "you can't have my vote, but you can have my body"
When I was leaving this morning he gave me some candy off his floor to prove he was a nice guy... He definitely knows the way to my heart. Best one night stand ever
Like he and the nurses kept being so persistent with it and I just wanted to run out of there in my backless gown and yell FUCK OFF BITCHES IM OUT
On a scale of 1 to shit show you were "i just pissed myself"
Mom wants to know if you're coming over or if it's safe for her to take her bra off...
It's official, I'm not staying in tonight
What caused that decision?
You only live once
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