Im listening to a jazz version of dick in a box.
This is worse than the time I broke into Subway to steal bread.
i think i scared a bird with my dick
She came in to my room half naked at 3am asking me if I had seen the movie balls deep 7
There's a transgender game of twister in the basement...God doesnt want me to type this paper.
I think I just used lyrics from the Sister Sister theme song to let a guy down easy...
Russian roulette. Between salvia and weed. You in?
FUCK YOU MAN
my heart is telling me chinese, but my head is telling me beer.
Alright, who started the "how long till dereck gets deported from Australia" pool? I want in on that.
Thanks be to the Goddess of Whores!! I straightened my bed before Ken got here. Found Calvin's boxers in the sheets!!!!
Sunrise bitch. You owe me waffles
Man. Apparently I blacked out between the 4th margarita and my air mattress. Asleep in my jeans at 10pm. Mom outdrank me again.
Just want to apologize again for asking to spot your form in the shower.
It was so small.
Tiny. Got to love sexting. Imagine finding out the old fashioned way.
I pour the whiskey from now on
Randomize
