Went to gas station for smokes. three cops pulled in. got gas i didn't need. found diff gas station.
good choice.
can you call in chlamydia to work? like if the antibiotics they gave you for it are giving you the shits...
so not only am i rooming with two chicks on the volleyball team, but we just put down the deposit on a hot tub. this is going to be the best summer ever for my dick.
You need to tell him your pregnant or we need to stop playing doubles beer-pong. My liver is begging you.
a guy just walked up to us....drank the rest of my beer....and said sorry for my loss before walking away.
I don't even see the point of going over to his place dressed anymore.
I hope you fall on your chin.
Jealousy makes you ugly.
Either you got hacked or we need to have a serious discussion about sending penis enlargement emails to your straight friends and why you shouldn't. It sends the wrong message.
I can feel your movements against the shared wall we are leaning up against. It makes me feel as though we are one. Queue Pocahontas song...
During sex his mom asks from the other side of the door, "Do you like avocados?" Who doesn't like avocados?
I think girls have an advantage in chugging contests. We know how to just open our throats.
He's drinking on a hospital bracelet, the fuck's your excuse?
There's something really beautiful about walk of shaming past the Capitol.
Don't be offended, the only thing I'm attracted to right now is snack cakes and chicken wings.
You know how last week before we left I was drinking outta that blue cup and I left it sitting across the road. Well, it hadn't moved and my family just found it, brought it inside and cleaned it. I think this cup is my soulmate.
I'm not fucking you with a Stormtrooper helmet on!
Randomize
