And then she said we stopped for a train and i tried crawling out the back window.. again, i dont remember this.
nothing this campus sells is worth it. not even sex.
dude your girlfriend is running naked down the hall with a raw chicken taped to her stomach saying this is what I'll look like pregnant...run far far away
Dude I think I was making out with the cat last night
I don't have a cat..?
Well nonetheless. Whatever it was purred when I used tounge.
advice for life: when the cop takes your tallboy, don't ask for your coozy back
It's the first day of summer. It's not a race it's a marathon. Pace yourself
Wow. This hand sanitizer smells awesome. It's like I just gave a handjob to a fruit basket.
You're about to fuck a guy with a sweatshirt tied around his waist like a mensurating 13 year old. Get your priorities straight, you're graduating tomorrow.
Tried to figure out where I was without opening my eyes this morning for like twenty minutes. Not even close. Not even the right state.
My boobs are feeling quite sensitive so I told them, " you is smart, you is kind, you is important" that should do the trick.
Best case scenario I do a bunch of dirty things to you, blow your mind and you enjoy it. Worst case I stare at you, poke at you, smile and droll on myself, you laugh.
I swear going to your house is like going to a strip club, no matter what happens I get glitter on me.
im questioning your sanity while also accepting your reality
This makes me appreciate being single with no prospects.
I made out with the uber driver for free weed, I thought he deserved it
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