Reminder- he's a douche bag. A big one.
He passed out mid-signature
i think its awesome that according to your mom i'm your friend that caught on fire.
We hooked up with his aunt passed out next to us. It was just like old times.
The girl who overdosed in the bathroom at work is back....help?
He googled the address of the bar, then sent me a text saying "6.3 miles. Too far. :( Apparently I am only worth a 5 mile radius.
I need you to go into my room and get some pants then bring them and four band aids to Sam's apartment no questions
Sorry your girlfriend got you a valentines present and you forgot to get her one.
How long will your dick be dry?
I don't know when he had the time to do it but he dug a hole in our basement like the shawshank redemption
You're at a grade school volley ball game with a yeti of tequila. You've passed extra
So I've already made 5 bad decisions today, wyd?
I wrote notes to myself all over my body. "don't yell at cops again" "Cody stole your phone" "you kissed Cody" "vodka shots are bad for your liver" and "cactus pretty" WTF????
"WHAT IS THIS LESBIAN MADNESS"
Please god tell me you aren't pregaming your date alone.
Get over your kidney infection all ready. You have been sober for too long.
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