'hiiiigh' is saved in my t9 for a reason
apparently, "please pick me up from the airport" also means "i got drunk on the flight and need to give you roadhead in broad daylight"
You know its bad when you're praying for a hangover just so you aren't still drunk at work anymore.
We shared that special kind of eye contact that can only be experienced when you know one party is saying "Oh god, I fucked him in the back seat when you were in the front, didn't I."
Don't tell me wow. Tell me this is normal for college and in no way am I a whore.
I left my Thanksgiving family dinner puking in my hands from the worst hangover in the world
I woke up on the ground next to a bed of naked men. I'm either a drunken genius or the enemy....
we're like Indians of the 21st century. trading not for food and survival but personal gain and by trouble you mean getting daytime drunk and going to the roller ring then yes.
He had bigger boobs than me last night and we both weren't wearing a bra so it was a fair judgement
You sent me snap chats of you guys having sex. Like plural. It was like flip book porn, I'm traumatized.
Do you think there are other mothers looking at porn in the carpool line?
I woke up with my shoes still on and my pants around my ankles cause I couldn't get them over my shoes
Day two of not drinking, I think my cat is trying to eat me.
Psychosis secondary to sobriety???
I don't think I can get drunk, high or horny enough to even consider that
They call you PBJ boy because you were trying to seduce me with pieces of a peanut butter and jelly sandwich. Successfully might I add.
Randomize
